A Letter to My Future Working Self

In a week's time, I'll no longer be an unofficially employed individual. I'll be officially working as an English tutor to Koreans and at the same time, I'll still be serving in the Campus Ministry- my unofficial employment for almost 6 months now.

Campus Ministry Teachers, clad in our uniquely-colored uniform :)

People have asked me countless times - "Why don't you work?" "Why don't you apply in a school as an official teacher?" The answer I say over again is that I am committed to the Campus Ministry as a volunteer teacher in Gen. Vito Belarmino High School, Lucsuhin, Silang, Cavite. I teach Values Education (using a curriculum we modified) every Monday and Thursday to two sections in 4th year.

With my 4F co-teacher, Ma'am Amie :)

With my 4C co-teacher, Ma'am Mae :)

Sharing my testimony to my students 

I don't want my unemployed days to end without sharing the insights I've gained and the experiences I've had. And as I am so fond of letters, I opted to write to my future working self.

To My Future Working Self,

I write to you today to tell you that you can look back and never regret this year that you offered to the Lord- as a seemingly full-time worker in His workplace. I tell you that this has been the best, the most blessed, joyous, and content year of your life.

These were days when you hardly knew where to get your resources (money for visuals, prices, fare and etc.) but every day God surprised you in how He provides for all of your needs! These were days when you were penniless, but full of joy, love and peace. These were days when you have formed deep friendships with people who have the same love you have for the Lord. These were days when your heart took the fastest time that it could to heal- something that you thought it can never do. These were days when your heart has fallen out of love with things that didn't really matter and has fallen in love with or has rekindled its affection for all worthwhile things.

These are days you can look back to and tell yourself that there was no better way to have spent your year after graduation than to spend it wholly for the Lord.

These are days that you can learn from now that you are working. These days will remind you that your current work, salary, or your ability to buy the things that you want won't fully satisfy.You will always find out that nothing compares to being able to spend quality time with the Lord. 

And when your heart wanders and your priorities shuffle, look back to these days and relearn that He is your priority. Living your life is for Him be it in the Lord's workplace or in this world's. 

Remember as well to have time for the things that interest you and make you happy. (Photography, nature, reading, etc.) Never fail to see how beautiful life is!

Never lose the excellence you continually strive to bring to the Lord in all that you do especially that you realized during your unemployed days that we ought to never give God "leftovers" in the ministry.

Never lose your fire and passion, even your intimacy with the Lord now that you are a working individual.

Never forget all the learning that being unemployed has bountifully given you.

Looking forward to having you read and learn from this,
-Your non-working self

The work of His hands

Because of the LET Result, more people are now aware of my complete name: ANICETE, MARY ABEGAIL ANCANAN. Aside from that, the happiness I feel is now shared and known by many.

But before the long wait was over, I had a grander dream. I could imagine what incomparable joy I'd feel if I not only passed the LET but TOPPED it!

This was my dream. This was my heart's desire. This dream and the verse I held on for so long are posted near my study table to keep me motivated:

Even as I write this, these are still posted in my then "study room" 

God did not give me a specific answer whether He'll really let me top the LET or not but I was certain He always spoke of favor- His favor that He'll pour out in my life. For months, I struggled. I told God to let me let go of that desire if it was not His will. But the desire remained.

Last Monday, a friend of mine posted on my FB wall: "congrats biee <3" and then I asked her what it was for, and then she told me that I PASSED THE LET. My hands and arms were shaking as I checked it on the internet. I was so happy to see my name in the list and I jumped for joy around the house as I announced the good news to my family and to the people close to my heart. But shortly after the overwhelming feeling, it sank into me- I passed the LET but did not top it.

It wasn't a serious heart break. In fact, I was happy. But I had to admit that deep inside, I felt a little sad that I wasn't able to reach my goal.

When I spent time with the Lord the next morning, I told Him that I was sorry for not being grateful enough. I also asked Him: "Lord, have I not heard you all along? Have I not listened well? Why haven't I let go of that desire so I'd not feel disappointed now? What are you trying to teach me or tell me through this?"

The Lord reminded me a simple yet moving insight: I do not use Him to fulfill my own agenda. He uses me and leads me to fulfill His agenda in my life.

"You are my God. I am NOT. I'm so sorry for always trying to be lord of my life. Reinforce Your lordship in my life. Your way, not mine. Your will, not mine. I do not use You to fulfill my agenda, You are to use me and lead me for Your agenda in my life."

I was moved even more when I read His Word and He led me to Psalm 92.

Psalm 92: 1,4 

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; 

For You O Lord have made me glad, by Your work, at the work of Your hands I sing for joy.

To PASS the LET is God's beautiful will for my life- and the BEST plan that He has for me. It is God's work that I passed the LET and it is not by my own wisdom and might. I could have been one of the 51,036 examinees out of 77,803 who did not make it, but God didn't let that happen. I was among the 26,767 successful examinees who made it because of His favor! And as His agenda continues to unfold in my life-  I sing for joy at the work of His hands!