Letters to a Once Broken Heart

I have been writing these past few months about so many things in my life except one thing - my love life. I wonder if you still call it "love life" even if there's not really life in it.

My silence meant that I was not ready to disclose the most fragile parts of me, the most painful part of my life this year. But I think that my long wait to "feeling super okay" before I write again about the matters of my heart is pointless.

This timely post by Jeff Goins is so moving that it made me decide to write again. I decided to write again to help myself and others heal.

I entitled this series of letters "Letters to a Once Broken Heart" because a broken heart does not remain broken unless the owner chooses to let it remain that way. And if I write to such, I fear they’d not find this helpful or even believable. I choose to write to once-broken-but-now-choosing-to-recover hearts.

Here's the first of the many letters I wish to write. The first one being entitled:

Moving on and on and on

Dear you,

You may think that no one can fully understand the way you feel, how deep your pain is and how badly you want to grieve and be miserable about it.
But a once-shattered-getting-whole-hearted-again person like me (I discourage you from calling yourself  "brokenhearted") can very well relate with what you feel and will be able to understand you whether you believe it or not.
Yes, these are times we want to lose control and search all outlets to heal our hearts, to give it pleasure, to make it forget.
Yes, our hearts still bleed at the remembrance or sight of the one who broke it.
Yes, what our mind, soul and body exactly want to do is to feel down and pity one’s self.
And over again, we find ourselves in this cycle of misery.
I’m well aware of this cycle- when we are led back to square one. That is- to continue holding on to pain and settle with being stuck there.

And when I say we’re back to square one, it means that we could have been doing good, our best even, during the previous days, weeks, months, or YEARS in enjoying our lives and moving forward, when suddenly, we come to a halt.

It does happen to us many times in our journey of moving forward. We’re back at that moment of bargain – stick with the pain or grieve at this halt and then get moving again.

At this point, I’m on a halt. I’m back to square one. No one says it’s easy, neither writing about this--- blood is still streaking down my chest.

But I write in hopes to tell you that you’re not alone.
I write in hopes of telling you that the key is not to stop. The halt is a pause to give yourself some time to grieve about what pains you but to give you as well the boost to get back up again.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a masochist. Neither am I an insensitive, unfeeling individual. I have feelings --- deeper than you think I have. I’m not telling you to sternly forget or banning you to deeply feel pain.

I’m telling you to move on and on and on and on and on. I call it that way because I realized that to move on is not a one time, big time step to healing. It’s a daily, an hourly, and a minutely choice we take over again.

And in this road to healing , pauses/halts are natural. They are welcome. They tell you that you’re human. They tell you that you’ve been hurt and that you acknowledge your feelings. But that’s why they’re called pauses- you cannot and must not dwell on them for long.

You pass by these “stop-overs” and get back to the road of getting your heart whole and well again. Because when you choose not to get going, you’re on your way to the road of misery.

Dear once-shattered-getting-whole-hearted-again person, don’t be stuck in these stop-overs, do move on and on and on and on.

P.S. The longer you choose to stay stuck, the farther you will be from reaching the end of healing’s road.