Friday, April 23, 2010

i didn't know pen could give might...

the quotation "pen is mightier than sword"may be considered a cliche now..
it means that writing is greater than blood shed.. and oh that was Jose Rizal's time..

today, in my life.. i didn't now i could draw strength from writing,, though not from the literal pen itself..

it just gives me hope and encouragement as i'm amazed how the words form when I let out what's on my mind..

i could have spent hours typing and writing..but I don't think i'll get so bored with it.. i'm loving it..

many unspoken thoughts that I have now reside on this blog  and on the papers where I write...

they become may aid for speaking... and they let me draw strength and passion from them..

but i want to live to see this writing of mine help the people around me.. I want to see God touch others' lives through it.. if not... continuing to write will be useless... 


having the best time of our lives

"teen-agers today may say that they're having the best time of their lives having a relationship with the opposite sex..but for me I'm having the best time of my life being a Christian."

how inspired I was listening to him say that. I really ought not to be so inanimate about my Christianity when other Christians are the happiest people on earth as they allow God to work through them...

by the way, the quoted words above were said by kua jp at our Friday's midweek fellowship in Lalaan.
just at the very time you don't feel like attending.. that's the very time  you should. you would realize in the end how blessed you are that God seemingly dragged you out of your house just so you could be there...

another blessing he spoke is that we, as Christians, did not gain freedom from our sins or past alone... but we also got the freedom to be whom God designed us to be. We are free to be the very person God wants us to be! 

yes i was blessed..

i felt God speaking through Bro. Lynard as we were all kneeling and he led us in prayer during the altar call..

asking forgiveness from God since we have long walked in our flesh' desires and in our own strength alone..; thus, now praying to live by the Spirit and the AUTHORITY God has given us..

asking forgiveness as well for our disbelief...and for limiting our God

and lastly..being assured that God will give us peace, happiness and provide EVERYTHING.. just to fulfill His work through us as we learn to obey..

i was really reminded : obedience is costly but disobedience is even costlier..

Now, I really want to have the best time of my life with God as long as I live. Everyday would be so exciting as I wait on His work through my life. 



Grace undeserved

How often I simply say "I really don't deserve this. I am undeserving..
We may realize how much undeserving we are but our realization must not just stop with that. 
We should be utterly moved at How much grace, mercy and love He pours just to equate with all of our shortcomings.

The more we see ourselves undeserving, the more we should see Him incomparably WORTHY.
worthy of all our praises..and our Everything.

Let not your eyes wander...

Don't be led astray...
The core of Christianity isn't about changing yourself..

It isn't about forced obedience or pressure...

Breathe...

Set your eyes to Him..

A relationship with our Savior..

He is the core of Christianity...

Getting to know him.. loving him... and letting him love you just as you are.

Thus...transformation and obedience are fruits and bonuses in our Christian journey...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

LRT-ignorant no more :D


The world turned upside down for me today.
Yesterday was sorrow-FULL  and today is a HAPPY day. 
 I had a good laugh and absolutely a noteworthy experience.

our destination: Philippine Normal University (our future school)

I was anticipating the time I'd see my two closest friends!

Namiss ko tlaga c sol and kamelle. And super excited ako na makita sila! 
(Now I feel like writing in taglish) haha
That maybe the reason why I awoke minutes before 4am just to prepare...
I just felt sad and convicted that I was trying to avoid a very special Person in my life early that morning.

the person who never gives up on me when I always give up on Him..

Things went fast and when I saw them both.. I could imagine years back then... when we started our friendship... 

                                    
 hahaha 

Then.. there we are.. going to our future university.. still together. 
Sana lang hindi kmi mg-sawa sa mga sarili nmin..hahaha

And there right on the bus with these two people ever close to my heart (ang drama haha) 
I felt free. 
Free from my worries and lonesome self. 
Free from negative and painful thoughts that often engulfed me in my solitude...
I was just there with them in presence, in thoughts and in emotion ... 
It felt so easy like breathing..
And they make me these poetic..


We talked about so many things along the way, that though the heat was unbearable.. we hardly noticed it..

b a c k  to m y  s t o r y..

( in tagalog ) :

bakit nga ba wala ng LAWTON bus?

yan ang tanong ko habang naglalakad kami sa ilalim na tila nagliliyab na araw sa baclaran. bumaba na kami ng bus at natapos din ang  kwentuhan. sa totoo lang, hindi namin alam kung saan kami pupunta, saan nga ba ang lrt?. dalawang beses ata namin natanong sa mga tao doon. ganyan kami kaignorante. hahaha. pero ok naman ang aming napagtanungan at nakarating kami sa aming paroroonan...whew! parang mas feel ko na ang english..hahaha

upon seeing the lrt station, guess who's so excited? None but ME. It's actually my first time to ride the lrt at proud akong sabihin -nakasakay na ko! hahaha. LRT-ignorant no more na tlga. (super aliw naman ang dalawa kong ksama sa akin dahil sa sobrang excitement ko.hehe)

I wish Sol could upload my pic in the station so I could also post it. ^^
I was amazed knowing how and what it is to ride the lrt. 
The card they use.. the nervousness I felt when I inserted it then see it pop up again... 
The thought of losing it.. .
But these random thoughts just passed and I found myself inside the lrt.. standing ovation. hehe
What an experience to stand the whole travel during my first ride. It was but an unforgettable experience. 

From Central.. we had a long (malapit lang daw for jaspher hehe), melting (literally. haha) walk to PNU. 

o i bet the three of us were nervous,  the thought of people looking at us and probably thinking "are they applying for highschool?"hahaha
o we walked over again outside the campus knowing that we need 1x1 pictures. (thanks a lot to chatters cafe for the scan and print)hahaha
o we had our physical examination finsihed and got along with a newfound friend - Mary Joyce-Anne Bernabe 
o she had this ruffa mae intonation and i had a good laugh today because of her sense of humor..hahaha
o we ate at chowking (our all-time favorite pork chow fan) 
o sol and kamelle got a bit angry with me coz i told them i'll buy a ballpen at National bookstore and when I walked out of the store I also had a highlighter and sharpener with me.. so fickle-minded.. hahaha
o we waited a long time again for our turn in the office of admissions
o whew! after hours of waiting..we finally found ourselves there.. funny to say, we were exchanging numbers with the students behind us just so we could be in one section..hahaha "we can really be together if we choose to" as kamelle says
o I had a zagu treat from kamelle! thanks a lot..:D
o I was squeezed in the LRT!  It was not that worse this morning. I felt so uneasy..huhu
o We were dropped at baclaran and sol picked an lrt transport card.. she gave it to me! yippee...hahaha..
o We spotted a Cavite - Batangas bus right there :)
o It was so hot and we were so tired.. i wish you could have seen our worn out faces in sol's phone..haha.. but it was a relief we were heading home.. 


It was just when I got home I realized many things...
o I felt as if Someone willed for me to be happy knowing that I was in distress
o Someone made me realize how beautiful the friendships I can have with people
o Someone told me right in front of my face that a new chapter in my life awaits like the LRT adventure. 
o He told me that I need not hold on in riding those buses of sadness and past again and I ought to see the LRT, the NEW things that awaits.
o He told me that I know exactly where I've gone astray in the same places and asks me to look forward to the place that He KNOWS.. and where His guidance is.
I know I'm no longer an LRT ignorant. 
It's not because I've ridden once . I know I will continue to ride,..
        and above all, it's because He KNOWS.








poetic, lonesome fool

21.04.10
09:55pm

dark, dreary night. she could barely sleep.

"withering leaves.. indispensable decay...
pain will you not flee? will you not step away?
liberate me oh blows of wind..
bring me to a place so safe and secure
wash away all my hurt and insecurity..oh friendly storm
hold me captive and isolate me from the world.."



tears now stop falling from her eyes
though pain has not banished
she wonders if the fountain inside her has run dry
Had it not possess life to sustain its current?
she foresees the enticing rest...
oh how she awaits the sleep never ending
had it find her now?
"find me...quickly..."


My account will be back. This immaturity will pass.

APRIL 21 2010. 148 days after. almost 6 months


She didn't know hearts could literally ache.... until now.


Her jaw dropped as she was staring at the screen.

She could feel the nerves in her head telling her brain to register "PAIN"

She was unconscious that tears were starting to flow from her eyes.

But then she knew she was wrong.

It was only a drop that made itself seen on the surface of the computer desk.
She touched it and knew for once that regret and hurt once again overwhelmed her.

Out of shock, a reflex to pain most probably, she did just that... 
deactivate her facebook account

It left her blaming herself and hiding in tears.
"I never should have done those things!"

And she was left whispering..."Lord,,, help..."


"The tears won't stop... It's flowing inside me..
Lord, be my escape...
Take me away and wrap me tightly in your arms..
If possible.. don't ever bring me back to where I've been.."