Picture… Perfect

 I should be writing about Psalmie---  my netbook buddy.

The explanation of its name, the apology I want to render it and the gratefulness I have for it--- were all but eclipsed by something that demands my attention at the moment.

I was surprised at how my unconscious actions betrayed concealment. Above is a picture… perfect to paint the nature of my present world.

 

Epiphany:

I am straying from my Main Topic.

Reason is slowly losing its hold on me, I am drawn to the currents of an unruly heart.

 

An object to pin my sight and hopes on, dims the sole Apple of my eyes.

So easily, unthinkingly, and hurriedly we equate happiness with fleeting things…

 

Why such, waits to leave and pain us still.

For the time being

Now, my heart speaks.

 

I saw and recognize you in the faintest of light.

Your features were dearly known to my memory,

And have registered alarm in my heart upon any sight of it.

 

How farther than the moon you seemed

Among the strangers before you, I was one.

 

Stare.

No I was but the air.

Words.

No nothing was spoken.

 

Silence and inaction were the active weapons

To crush me within

-emooomo!

----

Jane Eyre, the present object of my admiration and endearment in thoughts and in character (of course in the brilliant narration and depiction of Charlotte Bronte) has beautifully put into words what my heart was in dire need of.

“It is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them, which if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it.” (Bronte C., 1847)

“don’t make him the object of your fine feelings, your raptures, agonies and so forth… be too self-respecting to lavish the love of the whole heart, soul and strength, where such a gift is not wanted and would be despised.” (Bronte C., 1847)

 

First, I DISOWN the idea that I am inlove. I am not. In fact, I only know now of God’s love and my love for family and friends. Love, (romantic to be particular) to me, is too complex, indefinite at the moment. I don’t bother deciphering it now.

Second, the word “Love” in Bronte’s words can be replaced by the word “Liking” to best suit the need of my heart.

Third, the emooo poem, may have spoken it all. For the time being, heartache looms before me.

Fourth, I am in awe how these heartbreak issues toughen the maturity of my heart, deepen His role as to solely satisfy my soul, and draw me closest to His love.

 

Lastly, whatever this is, it’s only for the time being.

*The posting of this entry pushed through because the heart ache was raised to the 2^nd power....today... for the time being.

To XY Chromosomal Creatures

December 6,2011

It isn’t Valentine’s day nor Hearts day. The supposed to be celebrated season is the fast-approaching Christmas time. But I found myself looking at a pink rose, and a mysterious letter.

The pink rose came from an identified XY Chromosomal Creature (he had his name on it) and the mysterious letter was found void. It was no serious business of an aspiring Romeo, rather, it was but a joke.

 

I did not write to rant about not receiving a blue rose. (In fact, I secretly hoped I just did not because I felt everyone’s eyes on me when I was walking along the streets holding it) And I would not even express my disappointment about the people who were about to make me believe a mysterious person found time writing me a letter.

 

I would like to voice out what many other XX Chromosomal Creatures might be dying to express. Some words I’ve been repressing to blog about these past few days and weeks that had passed.

To XY Chromosomal Creatures,

Unlikely gift. Looking past the outward appearance is a very rare, unlikely gift you can possess. Admiring a lady for her mere beauty, is  but the lowest standard you can have.

Girls are to be admired because of their hearts not because of their FACES.

It is extremely disappointing when we saw each other for the first time and before I knew it you like me.

I have learned this the hard way- texting is NOT the way to a girl’s heart. Neither it is the way for friendship. For superficial interaction it is.

The real gauge of courage is how brave you are to talk to her personally.

INSTANT text messaging or messages through social networks are also the fastest way to prove your cowardice and spoil every bit of sincerity.

You have all the right to court girls when you have the money to treat her and buy her gifts from YOUR OWN salary. Don’t go robbing your parents’ wallets.

There is a great distinction between toys and girls. Just because you no longer play with the former doesn’t give you the license to play with the latter.

You protect us best when you keep your mouth shut about how you feel. Don’t act as if  Shakespeare has reincarnated himself in you.

If you’re lost in thoughts, thinking if you’re in love or what, I tell you, you are NOT, it’s just a sign that you have done nothing lately except for daydreaming.  

High school, college, including grade school boys, NOW is just not the time to pursue and win a girl’s heart – the fragile of most fragile organs.

I might have been so rough on this and I might have even spoke of  entirely my own ideals. If in some ways I have offended you,  please do pardon me.

But I know you also have lessons to give us girls. (Probably some of which I’ve stated above are also meant for us) So you can get even with us with all due righteousness.

                                    Guys, boys, men, XY Chromosomal Creatures, or however you want to be called, now is just NOT THE TIME.

“… that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Songs 2:7

To Mr. God's Adam for me (A Love Letter Via Blog)

April 28, 2011, Thursday

07:47 AM

         To Mr. God's Adam for me,

  

                                    These days have been a battle for me,

                                    I have been chasing the wants of my tricky heart

                                    For a while, I have been out of control

                                    There is a longing deep inside of me

                                    A company, affection - I so want to pursue

                                    And when I paused and stopped

                                    I asked of God's grace and for Him to be in control

                                    I see moments of painful waiting

                                    I have learned the wrong way of a relationship

                                    And I greatly dream to make my second and last right

                                    I thought I have been moving on, doing fine

                                    But there were still some pitfalls along the way

                                    And more unseen ones ahead of me...

                This morning, as I am writing this, the Lord has a message for you and me. It is the very reason I wrote to you. (Though I'm not quite sure if you could really read this)

                 He impressed on me to give you to Him and let you give me to Him. 

              We are to surrender with trust to the love story He's creating for us, that He'll make us meet, grow in love with each other and with Him in the most beautiful way and time we could never comprehend nor fathom now.

                 Writing or even making doodles of our love story now would spoil all that beauty!

                For now, He seeks we keep guarding our hearts and keep pleading for His grace to help us do so.

                 As Mr. Jim Elliot put it, "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living."

                 Let us wholeheartedly serve God and focus on His purpose for us this time.

     P.S.

                Our hearts spent in singleness are made to be wholly His.

In love with you in His time,

Ms. God's Eve for you

 :)