Eye, I, PROBLEM

One day, God may tap you and say, “Hey, my child, there’s something wrong with your eye sight.”

We never knew God as an ophthalmologist, but sure thing He’s all-knowing.

It occurred to me that God did a check-up with my eyes and found out an eye problem.

He revealed it at the time when I was at the brink of my earnest desire for immediate change. Probably, from the beginning of 2012, many of us have listed or simply thought of the changes we want to have this year. Death of old habits,  improvement of weaknesses or even betterment of strengths.

 

The thing that we must be mindful of is drawing the line of our limitations.

I found myself writing this the day God told me of my eye problem:

 

But eyes not on what you lack

                        on whom you still need to be

                        on your weaknesses and hang-ups

 

But eyes on what you already have

                 on  whom you are

                 on your strengths and talents

It is ungratefulness that will fill a heart of a  person whose eyes had been boxed to be desperate for change. When our eyes focus mainly on the things that we need to change in ourselves, we lose track of how extraordinary and talented God has already created us to be. That yearning to be immediately a different person  can even in itself instill hatred to your present self.

 

I was dumbfounded when God led me to Psalm 65.  God did not let me realize how blessed I am because of how he made me. God instead let me realize how I’m blessed beyond my thinking or sight because of the greatness I have in Him.

Our God is so great, so powerful (as it is intricately described in Psalm 65) that not to see it is such a pitiful eye problem.

This eye problem is also  called an “I” Problem. Your eyes get so narrowed with your personal limitations that you can’t meditate on the greatness of your God. Definitely, you are not solely blessed with what you have but you’re EXTREMELY, ABUNDANTLY, AND UNQUESTIONABLY BLESSED because of the God you have in HIM.

Then, it leads us back to God Himself. God loves you and desires to change part of your character but not your whole personality. Be grateful for who you are at present. Remember HE does the change. Doing it by your own strength, forcing it in your own time line will only make you disappointed and frustrated. What we are left with is the responsibility to let Him cure this eye, I,  PROBLEM. Divert. Divert. Eyes to God and not to self.

 

You and I do not belong to such

         On account of loneliness, sadness, pain, feelings of rejection, disappointment or any other forms of being in low spirit and downcast - I always try to keep my mouth shut. Though it is easy for the whole world to know how sad I feel by simply typing an emoticon - =( on my status on facebook - I try my best to refrain to do so.

     Several months ago or probably during the previous years, I was not used to balancing how I feel. I was a severe 98% melancholic (from my high school temperament test). One who broods for hours and through the whole day about every minute detail in the world, possessing a high tendency to frustration and every time attacked by feelings of gloom. Calling me "emo" back then would best describe it. Mind you, I didn't use eyeliner or tried to kill myself in any literal way possible, but I did feel the too emotional way they felt.

       I desired to disattach myself from these dark moods and not to pamper my emotions. A lion-hearted girl - I so hoped.
    
       But with the days, weeks and months that have passed - loneliness still arose, disappointment came and pain I became afflicted with. It occurred to me that they're all the things that make me human, they're all the things that make life - life - imperfect in this fallen world. The only change that took place was how I dealt with these emotions in sound wisdom, His wisdom.

            My own wisdom would tell me to embrace sadness, wallow in despair and let all the bad feelings paralyze me and make me immobile for my responsibilities.
           
            When I seek God's wisdom for these emotions - He enables me to think, not merely feel, to see the truth in His perspective and not be blinded by what my heart is telling me.

            At the very time I feel sad, hurt and down, God by His grace reminds me to pause for a while and reflect.

            "What is God trying to tell me through these feelings? What promise does He want me to hold on? How can even this sadness be transformed to His glory? How can I be of help to others who are experiencing or will experience the same pain and hurt feelings?

             It brings great comfort when God trains your to declare:
             "Never alone. My peace and joy = Jesus ;)"
             When you felt alone, doubtful and in gloom for a while.
             or "YOU'RE my sunshine in the rain and my breeze of fresh air in the melting heat."
             When you felt disturbed by the weather recently.

           On the other hand, being a work on process tells us we're not okay all the time. Sometimes, we slip off God's arms and run to our own waywardness.

               Perfect not [in gloom I am]

Chaff blown by the wind
Tossed and sways with the breeze
Falling leaves, dying trees
Aches to man have pinned

Thine longing hermit heart
Wandering, blank mind
Torn flesh thou can find
Seizing pull of the past

Pictures drawn on sea
Relives engraved on stone
Poorly poetic me
What fool I've shown

Hopes to be mystic
When the obvious hovers
Grief, cease and be over
Die, ye not chronic

              The above shows how we can choose to embrace sadness, hopelessness and a feeling of death within.

               God recently corrected me when he made me realize how I love to be owned by these negative emotions. I let them captivate me.

                The song on our Sunday Service was something like this:
                "I belong to You (Jesus)"

                 Yes, I belong to Jesus, He is my Lord and everything I feel belongs under His authority, not mine.

                  These feelings don't belong to me and neither do I belong to them.

                  God has rightful ownership to everything I am, everything I have within and therefore every emotion that I have.

                  To Jesus - I ought to give them all.

                   Simply put, the insight God gave me about my emotional struggles is this:

                  These "loneliness, sadness, pain, feelings of rejection, disappointment or any other forms of being in low spirit and downcast-" You and I do not belong to such.