A Letter to My Future Working Self

In a week's time, I'll no longer be an unofficially employed individual. I'll be officially working as an English tutor to Koreans and at the same time, I'll still be serving in the Campus Ministry- my unofficial employment for almost 6 months now.

Campus Ministry Teachers, clad in our uniquely-colored uniform :)

People have asked me countless times - "Why don't you work?" "Why don't you apply in a school as an official teacher?" The answer I say over again is that I am committed to the Campus Ministry as a volunteer teacher in Gen. Vito Belarmino High School, Lucsuhin, Silang, Cavite. I teach Values Education (using a curriculum we modified) every Monday and Thursday to two sections in 4th year.

With my 4F co-teacher, Ma'am Amie :)

With my 4C co-teacher, Ma'am Mae :)

Sharing my testimony to my students 

I don't want my unemployed days to end without sharing the insights I've gained and the experiences I've had. And as I am so fond of letters, I opted to write to my future working self.

To My Future Working Self,

I write to you today to tell you that you can look back and never regret this year that you offered to the Lord- as a seemingly full-time worker in His workplace. I tell you that this has been the best, the most blessed, joyous, and content year of your life.

These were days when you hardly knew where to get your resources (money for visuals, prices, fare and etc.) but every day God surprised you in how He provides for all of your needs! These were days when you were penniless, but full of joy, love and peace. These were days when you have formed deep friendships with people who have the same love you have for the Lord. These were days when your heart took the fastest time that it could to heal- something that you thought it can never do. These were days when your heart has fallen out of love with things that didn't really matter and has fallen in love with or has rekindled its affection for all worthwhile things.

These are days you can look back to and tell yourself that there was no better way to have spent your year after graduation than to spend it wholly for the Lord.

These are days that you can learn from now that you are working. These days will remind you that your current work, salary, or your ability to buy the things that you want won't fully satisfy.You will always find out that nothing compares to being able to spend quality time with the Lord. 

And when your heart wanders and your priorities shuffle, look back to these days and relearn that He is your priority. Living your life is for Him be it in the Lord's workplace or in this world's. 

Remember as well to have time for the things that interest you and make you happy. (Photography, nature, reading, etc.) Never fail to see how beautiful life is!

Never lose the excellence you continually strive to bring to the Lord in all that you do especially that you realized during your unemployed days that we ought to never give God "leftovers" in the ministry.

Never lose your fire and passion, even your intimacy with the Lord now that you are a working individual.

Never forget all the learning that being unemployed has bountifully given you.

Looking forward to having you read and learn from this,
-Your non-working self

Some pairs don’t last

Let me have it back.

Let me have it back.

It’s already lost.

I still want to find it.

I still want to have it back in my bag.

You can get a new one.

I can’t accept a new one. I want that exact old one.

Exact one – just like that.

There’s that other pair that will stay.

I can’t accept a new one. I’d get that exact one back.

Let me have it back.

AN EXACT ONE- JUST LIKE THAT.

Hours ago, I handed her the light-green pair of earrings and the same face of delight was plastered on her face the moment she gave me mine. It was a lovely sight to have those blue earrings in my hands. I looked at them intently and it meant every bit of happy to have them with me. They’re a pair that I want to keep with me for good.

I arrived home and I was delighted to gaze at my earrings. I took one and stared at the blue stone and the gold intricate curves around it. I rummaged for the other one inside my bag. I removed all my things inside and turned it upside down. Then, I dropped on the floor with a heart break. I lost the other pair.

My being sentimental stirred the brokenness in me. Maybe some would not understand, or maybe others would. But my heart is still breaking for that other pair.

Let me have it back.

I still want to find it.

I still want to have it back in my bag.

AN EXACT ONE – JUST LIKE THAT.

I cannot just let go of this attachment in an instant.

Why does it have to be lost?

Why in such a short period of time did it disappear?

Why did it leave its pair alone in the bag?

My questions are endless; the space here could not contain all that I want to ask.

But then, I stopped searching.

I kept the piece of earring left with me and slept.

I awoke after a number of hours, and then I took the piece left with me again.

Still, my heart was breaking for its pair.

But I saw no point in finding a way to have it returned to me.

I saw no point in finding an exact one just like it.

I saw no point in not finding a new one.

I saw no point in looking for and keeping that other pair that didn’t want to stay.

Still, my heart is breaking for that other pair.

But I threw away the piece left with me.

Still, my heart is breaking for that other pair.

But I made my decision to get a new one.

“Halaaaaa” Will Be Non-Existent

This, I think, would be the best way to condition myself for the upcoming busy hours: to WRITE.

Fear had been a cliché in my life. It used to be an inseparable part of me. I don’t think I would be “me” without it.

Halaaaa is the linguistic expression and declaration of my fears. “Halaaa bukas na pasahan niyan wala pa akong nagagawa.” “Halaaa pano yun ang hirap?”,“Halaaaa di ko mahanap yung report ko.” Halaaaaaaaaa.

Since I was born again, the Lord had his various ways of dealing with my fears. And every day I will have my own way of being fearful again.

As I count it, I’m a nine-year old Christian (since I personally accepted Christ when I was 10 years old) but it didn’t mean that through these years my fears have completely vanished.

But today I realized how we’ll really experience times of being fed up and dissatisfied with our unending routines.

I was too tired to live in fear of the tasks I have not yet started. I was fed up with worries’ seemingly perfect attendance in the room of my heart.

This day, through a situation in the life of Hezekiah, I was inspired to strive for fear and worries to be non-existent in my life (or this specific day to be exact).

“There will be peace and security in my days.” Isaiah 39:8

King Hezekiah said this when a bad news was told to him by Prophet Isaiah. (You can read Isaiah 39 to further understand it)

Whatever bad news or negative things that come in our way we people have tendencies to fret and may even say Halaaaaa  (like me)

But Hezekiah exemplified that: A man who has found favour in the sight of God has nothing to fear.

This and all the promises of God strengthen my faith. The world will truly throw a lot of distractions, negative thoughts and feelings at us, yet His word will implant in us the Philippians 4:8 mind: His mind.

Like Hezekiah, “there will be peace and security in my days.” Halaaaaa will be non-existent.

(Consider the modal used: will = 100% assurance because of our Prince of Peace. =])