This is something I have been thinking of blogging about but haven't had enough stream of thought to finish an entry.
Firstly, I have been observing the youth, yes, young men and women alike. And I (just me) therefore conclude that we have a problem on waiting. Yes! Waiting on God with regard to love life. Sometimes, we assume that we got waiting-on-God figured out. We think we're doing the right thing when we just don't go into exclusive relationships. We feel that our hearts are okay just because we are not committed to anyone. As subtle as the enemy can get, we wake up one day and wonder why have we reached a state where clearly something is wrong. It's either we are hurt and we try to blame anyone, even our own selves, or we've hurt someone for reasons we weren't aware of. One way or another, we're doing our math wrong. No Relationship/Being Single = Waiting on God.
Hence, I'd like to appeal, firstly to the guys.
Young ladies are your sisters. I echo a song when I say this, please be careful with our hearts. Please don't TOUCH us-- physically, mentally, and emotionally.
PHYSICALLY. In case you don't know, women are stimulated by touch. Don't pinch or squeeze our hands, cheeks, arms, shoulders, hair, etcetera! No matter how purely your "friendship gesture" is, we have to admit that women like it. We are affection-wired creatures. And there would always be a tendency that a girl would fall for a guy who constantly does what I just mentioned above.
MENTALLY. Please don't do things that will make ladies think about you from time to time. Don't establish a regular texting communication line. Even if it's sent to everyone else, so long as it's regular, girls would get used to it and might build expectations that you can't meet in the end. Same thing over the internet (chats, exchange of comments). Don't get me wrong. It's okay to text and chat and exchange comments with girls, especially if the girl is a real and close friend. But be more aware if the things you talk about are of importance and are building both of your character. And also, it's always best to talk in person. To exchange insights in person. That way, the friendship you're building gets real and deeper without any pretensions. You may argue that girls are the ones who reply or even text first but you are the leader. Man leads, remember? So, please help your sisters.
EMOTIONALLY. It is sweet of you to offer help and comfort in times of trouble. However, doing so would be putting both of you into a difficult situation. It's like creating another problem. Husbands and wives ought to share burden with one another. But we are singles. This is the season where burdens are to be shared with our friends in the same gender. If a girl comes to you seeking advice or a listener, point her to an ate or another girl friend whom she can talk things over. Our struggles are entirely different from yours. Though it may look like you are not being good, in reality you are serving your sister and pleasing the Lord. On the other hand, your problems when shared to us make us feel like we have to help you in every way we can. And that is real danger. We would be taking the place of the only woman God has designed for you to be a helper, in the right time and place. Woman was created to be the suitable helper of man. But only when God wills it to be. All of us, men and women, can look to Jesus for help and comfort and love.
Next, I appeal to my co-princesses in the Lord.
No matter how determined our brothers in the Lord are in serving us right, if we don't do our part, we would be luring them to do the don'ts. Let us follow Shannon Harris' principle in dressing-- dress NOT to attract but to simply be attractive. It's purely alright that we dress up and wear makeup but to be beautiful face-value wise shouldn't be our priority. Dare we not aim to turn heads toward our direction. Instead, let us seek ways to attracting people (both genders) into looking to Jesus and turn their heads upward. Through the things I've asked from the guys, we now know our weaknesses. Now that we know it, let's do something about it.
Touchy. I understand that as ladies, we are all touchy in more ways than one. But let us not use this excuse in dealing with our guy friends. Lest, we get misinterpreted.
On Texting. If ever you have a guy friend right now whom you text/chat a lot, evaluate yourself. Are you already looking forward to every message coming from him? Ask yourself why is it so. Compare. Do you smile unconsciously upon receiving a message from him? Do you smile that way still when the message is from your other friends? What kind of messages do you exchange? How long does your texting/chatting go on? Several times a day? Continuously for a few hours? When something good, bad, exciting or boring happens to you, do you feel the urge to immediately text that person? If yes, then, I bet your heart is on its way to being deceived and hurt. Try to lessen your replies until such time that both of you no longer find the need to text each other.
Close, Open. Do we really think that this guy friend is the one whom we can find the best comfort and best solution to our problems? Is he really the best listener we've got? I tell you, not. No. My answer would always be Jesus. It is best. No, it is PERFECT to run to Him in times of difficulty. And when physical affection is a good fix, try a sister. The family of God isn't so small that you can't find a friend from the same race as mother Eve.
What happens when we think he/she is the one? For real.
There will come a time when you'd think you are ready to commit. I always say that women are blessed to be in the waiting position. Men are tasked to pursue. And for this, I'd like to tell an anonymous story...
A guy is starting to fall in love with his friend. He starts noticing and admiring how passionate she is for the Lord, how caring she is to her family and friends, how lady-like she is, etcetera, etcetera. He isn't ready yet. So is she. So he prays and asks God to lead his feeling for this girl to the right path. There were times they were separated by distance or by choice. He didn't take steps that would make the girl think and feel she is special to him. Through God's grace, their friendship grew to be one of those that leads young people to Christ more and more. Then came the time where the guy is now ready to pursue. He prays and realizes the girl isn't ready yet for a relationship. BECAUSE of love, and God's grace, this guy didn't pursue the girl YET. He did not want to confuse the lady he loves. It was hard. Especially when he hears that there are attempts from other good-looking, ideal men to court this girl. But he waited patiently and trusted God. More so, he entrusted her to HIM. Later on, when the girl was ready, God gave the guy the go-signal and from then on, their hearts knew they were the Adam and Eve of each other.
There. I've finally written something about this. Sorry that it's quite long.
You may disagree by all means to what I've said. Feel free to tell me. These are personal convictions. When young sisters come to me with a heart-problem, I tell them these.
I, myself, went through these. And practical tips helped me overcome. Sometimes, I still find myself wandering but with Jesus on my side, my heart is made whole over again. The Holy Spirit is quick enough to convict me. . . to warn me. Remember Paul's word, that we should be careful when we think we are standing strong because we might fall.
These are practical things. But it actually matters less what specific things we do to keep our hearts focused on God alone IF compared to HIS enabling grace.
Also, seeking to be faithful to the one God has destined for us to be with is good. But seeking to protect our hearts because we realize our hearts are God's possessions is way better.
Ultimately, digging deep into His Word and following the example of Jesus will lead us to lives free from deceived hearts.
In His Love,
ate Joan =)
