Unlikely Fun-filled Saturday Trip

A stressful, disappointing  and seemingly unbearable circumstance when you're alone could be a fun-filled, crazy adventure with your peers.

An exact example of this was crossing Manila Ocean yesterday, July 21, 2012:

It was both a reunion (with Kamelle and Sol) and a getting-to-know-more stage (with Fatima and Juvy).

I don't have the best camera yet their smiles and happy spirits are evident in the photograph!

Below will be glimpses of Manila Ocean and the flooded areas we walked through!

We were not alone in treading the flooded streets of San Marcelino.

Vehicles were not excused in the plight against the flood.

We also had the same situation with the fellows up there while crossing the road.

Blessedly, the drivers of motorcycles and cars were kind-hearted enough to stop let us pass through.

Here are more photos that I liked very much :)

A long wait 'til we knew when and where to walk through

A beautiful, dramatic, stolen shot of  a  patiently waiting princess :)

(Lusong Sa Baha)

Lastly, it's the flood and I= our first shot together.

And this was actually my 4th encounter with it.

This will be one of the many things I'll be missing when I eventually graduate. (Haha)

Sadly, I lost the picture of Sol when we were in the bus. She only met us near SM and it was another blessing that she was right on time when the bus came!

Inside the bus, we were like students in a field trip. We had snacks to share with each other and drinks to pass from one person to another. Bonding has never been this possible and exciting. Truly, it was a splendid, unlikely fun-filled Saturday trip! :)

A river of tears won’t be enough

AWOAVaR

 

It has been part of my every school year: being absent because of my emotional sickness.

It’s a day when I feel too defeated to set myself into battle in school.

A day when negative emotions get the most of me and eat me up leaving me stuck in the dorm/house unable to attend classes.

 

July 20, 2012 was just NOT THE BEST DAY to be Absent Without A Valid Reason (AWOAVaR).

 

Grace Sooo Undeserved

The study table and chair below are newly bought. And the camera with which I used to capture it is a new cellphone. (guess the phone can’t be vain enough to take a picture of itself~)

Those are superficial factors as to why I considered Friday as the worst day not to go to school. (Any day could be worse but that day was the worst possible)

How it was bought and brought there, even the person who bought, brought and gave me all these, were the important, weighty factors why I was so regretful to miss our classes.

As I pour it out in a text message sent to my sisther (Sister Esther):

“Sisther <///3 naiiyak na ako T.T. Dito kami ngayon sa SM ni Tatay. Binili ninya ko ng table, upuan, binigyan ninya ko ng bagong phone, kakain kami ngayon TAPOS HINDI AKO PUMASOK KANINA.”

My heartbreak did not end there. My 63-year-old father came from Tarlac, bought several things in 168, carried the very heavy pile to meet me in SM Manila. Then, the equally heavy table we bought, he carried too, and I heard him gasping for breath when we were heading to the exit door of the mall.

My heart was tearing apart but I couldn’t show it. All that I was able to offer was my concern through asking him “Kaya ninyo pa po ba?” And my obviously struggling father will say with a smile: “Oo naman.”

 

Because of the flood, and the bulk of the things we have with us, we needed to ride a tricycle. (“Motor” [stress on the second syllable] was just the term they used there)

And when we’re about to ride, he kept on telling the driver “Oh ilapit mo pa yung motor mo, yung anak ko sasakay.”

 

My heart was already shattered when we were inside the dorm. My father bought the heavy table up until the 3^rd floor, considering that what we passed through was a very steep stairway!

 

A river of tears won’t be enough

Tatay helped me fix up the table and chair, then he prayed for me and our dorm.

It was past 8:30 pm when he left and he will be travelling for more or less two hours going to Tarlac. And again he is my 63-year-old father.

 

When he left, I knelt down and started crying. I cried so much. I cried hard.

I was a “pasaway” student considered by Him worthy of feeling special, loved and comforted.

It relived the feeling when I first surrendered my life to a God who loved me though I am a sinner!

The Lord made me feel His unconditional love so much, and in a more concrete way!

 

A river of tears won’t be enough to express my gratitude to God for the grace He flooded me with through my father in the flesh that night.

A river of tears won’t be enough to quiet my shouting soul to declare that His grace and mercy are indeed unceasing!

The desires of His heart

We humans know how we will do anything just to pursue and achieve what our hearts desire.

Imagine how God would pursue the desires of His heart. Like His love that is unfathomable, much more could be His passion for His desires!

He would do anything, at His limitless, immeasurable power, beyond what the human mind can comprehend, to fulfil these cries of His heart.

It is one of His greatest desires:

To let you know that you are important and special

To let you know that He has formed you, He knows every detail of your genes, everything about who you are

To let you know that He was right there smiling at you in your mother’s womb, excited upon your birth and constantly watching your growth

To help you with every problem and difficulty that you have

To bless you

To redeem you

To forgive you and forget all your transgressions

For you to turn and return to Him daily

To frustrate all the negative things planned against you

To break what weighs you down

To use His unfathomable power for your cause and welfare

To drain the entire negative that could be overwhelming you

To fill you with faith and positive things

To let you see how beautiful life could be and how there are countless things to be thankful for

To let you experience the depth of His irrevocable, immense love

∞

And the list would go on unceasingly.

(Inspired by Isaiah 44)

Times of Stress: (A Late Entry)

Times of stress make me want to write a poem.

But the complexity of rhymes made me resort to a free verse poem.

 

Times of stress signal that you need rest.

From working you are called,

To pause and reflect

All along why have I been doing this?

You may ask yourself

Lie on your back and ponder,

Have you forgotten?

The Lord, the Creator,

Has given you hands to work for Him

His strength He has given you,

Have you dwelt on your own?

His joy he has filled you with,

Has the enemy robbed you of it?

Your mind He has filled with promises

Has the enemy replaced it

With the cares of this world?

 

Times of stress, signal you to stop

The Lordship of God has to be reinforced

You have reached the limits of your own strength

 

Times of stress best remind you

Of your dear Inspiration,

Wisdom and Savior,

When work has dimmed your thoughts of Him

 

Times of stress would only end,

When you surrender in prayer

And run back to Him.

Upside-down

The upside-down turn from a gloomy and frustrating situation was His sweet surprise yesterday.

            God’s message indeed is not confined in the Bible, or during our prayer time.He speaks to us anywhere through anything or anyone.

           

            She agreed with me that God has meant that only the two of us have met that night.

            A get-together with some high school friends here in Manila was set yesterday and it was supposed to be a celebration for her pseudo-birthday.

            Several things(which I can’t really pinpoint) frustrated me and made me say “nakakainis” that latter part of the day. Adding up to that was the saddening outcome that only I and that girl (who was not really a high school friend) met during the night.

            Her name is Fatima, a friend since I was in first year college, a close friend of a close friend of mine and a dear blessing last night.

            We were in McDo to do away with the sad thought of an unrealized plan. We ate and she started to amazingly talk about timely things that I needed that time.

            She shared about her best friend: someone God handed over to her to guard, love and take care of.

            What was out of the ordinary is that this best friend of her is not someone who’ll qualify under the category of good girls.

            Fatima is a Christian, a very kind and friendly person and her best friend is actually her exact opposite.

            Her bff is from a broken family and she said that what could seemingly describe her is a “walking disaster”.

            I would not write the reasons for this, but I think it will give anyone the idea of how terrible her life could have been.

            This is not to condemn her or judge her; rather it is to grieve about, with and for children of broken families.

 

            I personally think that among those difficult people to understand and deal with, are the products of broken homes. Of course, this is not true for each one of them.

But my life has been surrounded with friends from broken families. God had been sending them to me or should I say: He’ sending me to them.

           

            I have been blessed to hear from Fatima these insights last night that haveawaken me:

-         “As a  Christian wala nang puwang para sa kanila ang inis, what they deserve is understanding and love”

-         “Di ko alam kung saan ako huhugot ng rasonpara magalit o mainis sa kanya kasi sobra sobra akong nag cacare sakanya”

-         “Narealize ko kung gaano tayo ka-blesssed kasi tayo yung nag-cocomfort, hindi tayo yung kino-comfort”

-         “Minsan nga nag-iisip ako kung kulang pa yung effort ko”

-          “Pinagsasabihan ko siya lagi kahit nanaiinis na sakin yung iba naming kaibigan…gusto ko siyang alagaan, bantayan”

-         “Lagi ko siyang pinagpapray”

-         “Alagaan mo si (the person I am having a great difficulty understanding these days) Abbie, wag mo siyang pababayaan”

 

Needless to say, God has poured out great love to Fatima to enable her to constantly love her bestfriend. My hat’s off to her about that love she has cultivated.

I am moved to love even the most difficult people to understand, much more, realizing that my students in the future will more likely be among those.

 

He Proved Me Wrong

During the days, weeks, months and years that have passed, I always believed in my heart that teaching was the dream profession that God has planted in my heart. But I believed in that dream, not my ability to realize that dream. I believe that I am called to be a teacher but doubted myself and my skills in order to be one.

            This specific paragraph from my previous blog clearly shows my state a week ago:

“This Junior year makes me realize the weight of how much needs to be broken in me to make me a full-grown teacher. Endless demonstration teaching would equal to countless times spent speaking in public. It would mean the need of a louder voice than my loudest. It would mean leading not a number of kids but a whole class. It would mean forever stepping out of my comfort zone. And it actually freaks me out right now. Questioning God if teaching is really the profession He wills for me--- has passed through my mind more than once.”

            I know that lately, the Lord has dealt with my fears and worries. Thus, He reminded me of possessing a mind secured and in peace like His. But yesterday, He wanted me to possess His eyes as well. He wanted me to see something that I have always victoriously failed to see. He wanted me to see how He sees me.

            A demo teaching that I used to dread about has finally started yesterday. It wasn’t a full-blown demo because we only needed to demonstrate giving a listening activity in class. The night before this (Wednesday) my blog was about being secure and in peace.

            So although I started doing my listening activity late at night, I enjoyed a lot while I was doing it. And that was the time I really felt that it was the Holy Spirit who gave me the idea for the activity I made. “…and He will be the stability of your times, abundance of…wisdom”Isaiah 33:6 was the verse I was holding on to, believing that it is really God who gave me wisdom.

            Even in the morning, as I printed and photocopied the worksheets, I encountered more than one problem. I was definitely tempted to fret, fear and say Halaaaaaa many times but “There will be peace and security in my days.” Isaiah 39:8 was the promise that kept me from doing so.

            And before I started my demo, trusting God was still the thing that my heart longed to do.

            The result of the demo teaching is not something I want the world to know and read about so they can see how great I am. The victory is to show the work of the true and living God in the life of a weak-timid-fearful-pessimistic-person whom He gradually molds to become a strong-bold-faithful-positive GREAT English Teacher.

            As a person whose love language is words (I think so) it is my desire to take account of the strengths my professor and classmates saw in me. And probably the things that God wants me to see, which He has always seen in me:

These aren’t the exact words they used but I tried my best to rephrase and recall what they said:

“I like your voice. It’s sweet and I could listen to you while you’re reading the listening text twice or thrice and I wouldn’t mind, but of course not the whole day.”

“And you have a good diction…”

“Did you make this blog and worksheet?... “Tuning Into A Blog” is something different… And I like the way you made it”

“Now you already have two materials writer in class…”

“Aside from that [the points of improvement she gave me], what you did was impressive”

(Professor Thei Manicio, our professor in Teaching Listening and Speaking)

 

“Congrats Abbie, ang galing mo…”

“Favorite teacher…J”

“Kung ako studyante mo aattend ako lagi ng klase mo…”

“Magiging magaling kayong teachers…”

(Random dialogue of my HC Family)

 

For so long, I have focused on the entire negative in myself and in my life. But I could feel God desiring so much to boost my confidence and faith, by letting me experience this victory. I was only used to writing about a favoured life glorifying God. Yet He is continuing to make me the person I always thought I can only write about.

What is boast-worthy is His work in my life and not the victory itself.

And with His work in my life, He proved me wrong.

 

P.S.

Classmates, if you’re pressured and you think that you can’t meet or surpass the seemingly high standards we have set, let His work in your demo prove you wrong!

 

 

“Halaaaaa” Will Be Non-Existent

This, I think, would be the best way to condition myself for the upcoming busy hours: to WRITE.

Fear had been a cliché in my life. It used to be an inseparable part of me. I don’t think I would be “me” without it.

Halaaaa is the linguistic expression and declaration of my fears. “Halaaa bukas na pasahan niyan wala pa akong nagagawa.” “Halaaa pano yun ang hirap?”,“Halaaaa di ko mahanap yung report ko.” Halaaaaaaaaa.

Since I was born again, the Lord had his various ways of dealing with my fears. And every day I will have my own way of being fearful again.

As I count it, I’m a nine-year old Christian (since I personally accepted Christ when I was 10 years old) but it didn’t mean that through these years my fears have completely vanished.

But today I realized how we’ll really experience times of being fed up and dissatisfied with our unending routines.

I was too tired to live in fear of the tasks I have not yet started. I was fed up with worries’ seemingly perfect attendance in the room of my heart.

This day, through a situation in the life of Hezekiah, I was inspired to strive for fear and worries to be non-existent in my life (or this specific day to be exact).

“There will be peace and security in my days.” Isaiah 39:8

King Hezekiah said this when a bad news was told to him by Prophet Isaiah. (You can read Isaiah 39 to further understand it)

Whatever bad news or negative things that come in our way we people have tendencies to fret and may even say Halaaaaa  (like me)

But Hezekiah exemplified that: A man who has found favour in the sight of God has nothing to fear.

This and all the promises of God strengthen my faith. The world will truly throw a lot of distractions, negative thoughts and feelings at us, yet His word will implant in us the Philippians 4:8 mind: His mind.

Like Hezekiah, “there will be peace and security in my days.” Halaaaaa will be non-existent.

(Consider the modal used: will = 100% assurance because of our Prince of Peace. =])