He Proved Me Wrong

During the days, weeks, months and years that have passed, I always believed in my heart that teaching was the dream profession that God has planted in my heart. But I believed in that dream, not my ability to realize that dream. I believe that I am called to be a teacher but doubted myself and my skills in order to be one.

            This specific paragraph from my previous blog clearly shows my state a week ago:

“This Junior year makes me realize the weight of how much needs to be broken in me to make me a full-grown teacher. Endless demonstration teaching would equal to countless times spent speaking in public. It would mean the need of a louder voice than my loudest. It would mean leading not a number of kids but a whole class. It would mean forever stepping out of my comfort zone. And it actually freaks me out right now. Questioning God if teaching is really the profession He wills for me--- has passed through my mind more than once.”

            I know that lately, the Lord has dealt with my fears and worries. Thus, He reminded me of possessing a mind secured and in peace like His. But yesterday, He wanted me to possess His eyes as well. He wanted me to see something that I have always victoriously failed to see. He wanted me to see how He sees me.

            A demo teaching that I used to dread about has finally started yesterday. It wasn’t a full-blown demo because we only needed to demonstrate giving a listening activity in class. The night before this (Wednesday) my blog was about being secure and in peace.

            So although I started doing my listening activity late at night, I enjoyed a lot while I was doing it. And that was the time I really felt that it was the Holy Spirit who gave me the idea for the activity I made. “…and He will be the stability of your times, abundance of…wisdom”Isaiah 33:6 was the verse I was holding on to, believing that it is really God who gave me wisdom.

            Even in the morning, as I printed and photocopied the worksheets, I encountered more than one problem. I was definitely tempted to fret, fear and say Halaaaaaa many times but “There will be peace and security in my days.” Isaiah 39:8 was the promise that kept me from doing so.

            And before I started my demo, trusting God was still the thing that my heart longed to do.

            The result of the demo teaching is not something I want the world to know and read about so they can see how great I am. The victory is to show the work of the true and living God in the life of a weak-timid-fearful-pessimistic-person whom He gradually molds to become a strong-bold-faithful-positive GREAT English Teacher.

            As a person whose love language is words (I think so) it is my desire to take account of the strengths my professor and classmates saw in me. And probably the things that God wants me to see, which He has always seen in me:

These aren’t the exact words they used but I tried my best to rephrase and recall what they said:

“I like your voice. It’s sweet and I could listen to you while you’re reading the listening text twice or thrice and I wouldn’t mind, but of course not the whole day.”

“And you have a good diction…”

“Did you make this blog and worksheet?... “Tuning Into A Blog” is something different… And I like the way you made it”

“Now you already have two materials writer in class…”

“Aside from that [the points of improvement she gave me], what you did was impressive”

(Professor Thei Manicio, our professor in Teaching Listening and Speaking)

 

“Congrats Abbie, ang galing mo…”

“Favorite teacher…J”

“Kung ako studyante mo aattend ako lagi ng klase mo…”

“Magiging magaling kayong teachers…”

(Random dialogue of my HC Family)

 

For so long, I have focused on the entire negative in myself and in my life. But I could feel God desiring so much to boost my confidence and faith, by letting me experience this victory. I was only used to writing about a favoured life glorifying God. Yet He is continuing to make me the person I always thought I can only write about.

What is boast-worthy is His work in my life and not the victory itself.

And with His work in my life, He proved me wrong.

 

P.S.

Classmates, if you’re pressured and you think that you can’t meet or surpass the seemingly high standards we have set, let His work in your demo prove you wrong!