God at Work

“Keeping my right hand from writing an account of the learning gems I’ve sought in my blessed days (which is supposed to be everyday) is like a headache. I could not just be unmindful about it.

Attempts to go on with other business would endure for days, weeks, but for months --- I’d barely call myself living. I’d be a puff of existence with an unresolved headache making myself more meaningless and insignificant.  It (writing) has always been the missing piece in the bigger picture of my life. I could go on like the whole picture is almost at its best- complete, but that small detail lost, I cannot possibly let go.”

So I write again. Well, I write lectures, assignments, to-do-lists, journal, blabber, and doodles but it’s again a long time since I wrote something special-------that can be preserved in my blog.

As I reflect on the above outpour of my heart, I see that I’m being too hard on myself. Not being able to write would mean disappointment. How can such be a strengthening passion if it also becomes my often source of frustration? *to be answered*

Things in the past can’t be undone.

I got to keep that in mind. If I wasn’t able to write about noteworthy events/experiences that had passed I can keep track with the new.

Ironically, I’ll write about --- this previous week. Hehe.

I’ve been on vacation for three days, 2 days (Monday, Tuesday) were intentional absences due to my emotional sickness, and Wednesday was God’s bonus (the rest I was hoping for but I wasn’t patient enough to wait). 

I was thinking I missed home and I needed rest. Plus, the pressure and negative emotions were blazing inside of me and I wasn’t able to deal with them properly. So that’s what I mean with my emotional sickness.

The bonus in these two days is that I had a very sweet time with my Lord and I had spent real quality time with Him.

Teeming realizations flood my journal- but I pick out the best two:

(1) Life without pressure is boring- not the life I would like to live and (2) The Lord is working hard to change me.

(1)- I missed studying, being busy, reading, having my mind stimulated by the professors’ questions and by our lessons. I can’t imagine my life now without studying!

(2)- I’ve opened my previous journal and I have seen the very same emotional struggles I had in the last weeks of July 2010 (freshmen). God is pruning me. It is my response to it that will either make or break me. Last year was mistake --- now, I need to respond positively.

I’m just in awe of Him this previous week. He is working wonders in my life. I am thrilled and challenged in the changes God desires for me. He is indeed at work! He sharpens my mind and strengthens my heart. :)